August 11, 2013 2255
Now I woke up this morning with Dr. grandma holding my head (we had a bed to sleep on) but I had one of my episodes. I was a dick. I was mean, rotten, and nasty. I’m pretty good at that. I wish I could sit here and tell you I was a nice guy but it would be lying. You guys want the truth? I’m giving the truth, every day we live in this god forsaken shit hole I get meaner. It used to be the meaner I got the more I got paid. I used to be pretty mean and I was proud of it. But now I wake up with Dr. Grandma. Yes, I was meaner then a junkyard dog but that woman put her spell on me. lol I used to run in to friends and I wasn’t a nice guy. Then I meet Dr. Grandma and she made a person you would like. I would love to say it’s going to get better. She wakes me up every morning she is nice she is sweet but I find myself turning into the old me as days go on I find myself looking at people different I don’t like people now.
August 12, 2013 2301
I sit here enjoying my beer away from all the noise and confusion. We got are food stamps today. We will eat good tonight. We are cooking steak, something we don’t get much. I’m having a better day today. We are all cooking together. Dave and Crystal feed us for close to a week so we are taking care of them. It’s going to be a good cook up. I sit listening to the gators, Dr. is yelling at me. I’m screwing up. There is not a day that goes buy I don’t do some thing wrong. I worked today but probably not going to be able to work tomorrow. I’m so broken and beat. I’m good for about 3 days a week. Its getting to the point were there is more metal then bone. I would love to tell you I take good care of Dr. but I don’t and that’s something I have to live with. I wish I were 20 again. I would take so good care of her. That’s what she needs. I’m close to that 50 mark and I’m not the man I used to be. She understands but I don’t
--The Goat Man